Favorite Mom Quotes
1 Uncle Joe can't be executer of my will. He and I can't get along…
2 My mom and I were talking about my daughter and how many teeth she was getting in. I said "Mom Kiera has a third tooth coming in now" (this was back when she was 6 months and is a year old) and she responded "how many teeth does she have now?" I still bug her about this! lol.
3 If you don't stop that… I'm gonna pinch your head off and tell God you died…? (I knew she wouldn't)
4 "If you keep eating those dog biscuits, you'll turn into a dog. You don't want that do you?"
5 Mom trying to convince me that my daughter was 1/3 Italian, 1/3 Irish and 1/3 Purto Rican. She was Serious! 25 years later I'm still laughing.
6 "I'm gonna break you arm off and beat you with it!"
7 after a difference of opinion I walked into my bedroom and started stamping my right foot on the floor in frustration my mom said: be sure to stamp the left so that you keep even! I was 12 and that made me madder but I laugh when I think about it 45 years later!
8 "It'll feel better when it quits hurting"
9 I bred will in captivity. Me (divorced mom of three great kids!)
10 It's all fun and games till Chista (me and blind in one eye) loses the other one.
11 Now you cookin', too bad your pilot light is out!!
12 If you hit your Mother your hand will stick out of your grave…
13 Instead of saying "That's the way the cookie crumbles." Mom would say, "That's the way the pickle squirts." I told her only she says that and she would always laugh.
14 My Mama was fussing at me about something and I got this sour look on my face. She said to me, "And you'd better unscrew your mouse." She meant to say mouth. We both started laughing and forgot what she was fussing at me about :)
15 I'm going to put you in a bumble elephant and send you away. It was supposed be be "a bubble envelop" she was talking about the puppy. We laughed so hard.
16 It did it did
17 IT HAS NOT!!!
18 "If you fall and break your leg, don't come running to me!"
19 Don't do as I do! Do as I say do!
20 "Because I said so!"
21 I will slap you so hard it will knock the poop out of you and don't ask me for toilet paper (lol)
22 Carbuncles? You know, those things that grow on the bottom of a boat!
23 I saw a spider on the wall across the room and screamed for my mother. She was on the phone, so simply said, "Now that he has seen you, it is either him or you" and I freaked out!!!
24 NOTHING good ever happens after 10 PM
25 My mom would spank me then tell me if I didn't quit crying she would slap me so I would something to cry about…
26 "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way!"
27 If you swallow that gum you'll have bubbles coming out of your butt… I had nightmares about all of the sunflower seeds I had swallowed :0
28 "if you keep eating all that candy, you'll end up with worms in your butt!"
29 "If you don't leave that thing alone… IT WILL FALL OFF!!!"
30 When we all for rowdy and tried to tried to tell our stories all at once my mother would say "ok, I don't need to heat anything for the Peanut Gallery" That meant to be quiet until it was your turn
31 "My goodness, that boy/girls so ugly she musta been beat with an ugly stick,"
32 I'm not sure if my mother or grandmother started it, but the funniest thing I've passed on to my kids is "Don't look at me in that tone of voice!!"
33 I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong!
34 "We don't need to have a 'come to Jesus' meeting, do we?"
35 when the whining would start and the quote "that's not fair" would start… my mom would say "the only fair I know comes in October and you can ride rides there and eat cotton candy!" I now say this to my own 3 kids! Ha ha!
36 Just look at that bottom lip sticking out. If you don't stop pouting a rooster is going to come along and nest on your lip.
37 Every time one of us asked to do something because our friends were doing it, Mom would say "if they jumped off a bridge, would you want to jump too?"
38 When I was studying for finals my sophomore year of college, I came down with the flu. Unfortunately, my mother was working working many 12 to 18 hr shifts in the ICU because of the raging flu epidemic and often I wouldn’t see her. I woke up to get some water and said hi to her and she asked, “how do you feel?” I told her my symptoms, most of which included various forms of nauseau. She was so tired and out-of-it that she just blinked and looked at me for a moment, and then said, “All right. I now pronounce you icky in the head.” It took a moment for us to even realize what she had said and then it took forever for us to stop laughing.
39 My Grandma used to say: If you put milk/cream in your tea it'll turn to rubber in your stomach!
40 My mom would always say "Don't bite off your nose to spite your face!" As a child I would wonder how could I even bite off my nose!
41 Make sure you're wearing clean underware, you might get in an accident.
42 Would you like a cheeseburger without cheese?
43 Answer Me! Didn't I tell you to shut up????
44 Your weird in the middle and a little on the outside.